Prelude to (Matt 5:3,4,6)

In my quest to find out what the Father's Will would be, in studying the Cross and Self...i will admit, i have been through some pretty sucky things lately, for a lack of better words. :) i would like to say that it's been the enemy of my soul whom goes about seeking whom he may devour, and blame the devil for my every sin that is committed, in past, present, or future...but i would be lying. The Word says that they that say they have no sin deceive themselves. (i am going to be as real and candid as i know how to be here), but what i am learning, is that when i really start asking God to help me to do HIS WILL and not my own, When i study messages and writings by my forefathers and patrons of the faith...in my own life experiences...God has been revealing some things to me that are profound, and yet simple, awesome and at the same time devistatingly horrible.

This morning, as i went for a much coveted walk with the Lord, He whispered something in my ear that almost breaks me wide open when i think about it. He said, "Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after Righteousness, Blessed are they that mourn, Blessed are they that are poor..."

in my spirit, i already had a witness inside that said, "Amen, i know THAT is true, i am one of them right now!!! i hunger and thirst for Righteousness right now! Help me Lord, please."

Allow me to further explain:

Recently, some of the trials i have been through, if i explained them in detail, they wouldn't mean much to others, but are extremely valuable life lessons for ME! The unfortunate thing about walking with Christ, is that we can't learn the lessons we need to and become what God wants us to be while we are here, simply by reading a bible study like this, or even from studying it ourselves, alone! we have to truly allow the Holy Spirit to show us these things, and in order for Him to reveal things to us, we have to ask Him for help, request that He show us these things about ourselves that get in His way, and then understand that when the trials come, it is NOT the devil trying to rip us apart, but God that is using it to accomplish HIS WILL for our lives.

So, like i said before, when i began to go through these trials, i wanted to blame in on the devil, but the truth is...when i looked at it, it wasn't satan's fingerprints on those that i hurt and love, they were MY fingerprints that were left there. i have had no one to blame but myself. not my friends that are unloyal, or my family that has before forsaken and hated me, not my past lovers and parents that have hindered and harmed me, not even my spouse or immediate family...the one at fault is ME, My Self, it is i! And that is a hard thing for me to admit whole-heartedly!

As God has been showing me my wicked heart over the past few weeks, i have been sickened, upset, frustrated, and frustrated again, (not trying to mend it myself, although wanting to not avoid dealing with it, desiring to cover it with my own maskings and that i can usually combine to cover my sin.) but instead, this time i began allowing Him to lay me open, to reveal my innermost hatreds and failures, at the risk of harming my family and those closest to me...knowing i hurt them in the process with my reactions and struggles, but painfully enduring and allowing God to show me the things about me that i didn't want to know was there. i'm growing to loathe myself more and more everyday.

also, i want to interject this...God is NOT in the business of helping us find the "better" us, or helping us love ourselves! that is worldly pyschobabblistic crap to keep us from admitting what we really are, which are moral failures, depraved of Righteousness or any good thing that might be in the heart of man. God's intention has always been to reveal to us what we are, so we can admit it, realize He has the solution, and apply the blood that He died on Calvary to cover our sin. take a white cloth, put a stain on it...whatever you think would be the worst thing you can. prick your finger and apply the blood from your finger to that stain. trust me, the blood, if applied in proportion to the former stain, will cover and blot out that stain. it is the same with the blood of Christ. :) (Heather fun fact of the day for those that had never heard that.) LOL

so, i'm sure minds are wondering, "WHAT did she do?!!" none of your business. :) it's between me and God. it's like this, The Law of Moses commands us not to covet, but Jesus said that if you look at a woman or man and lust after them in your heart, you are guilty of committing it because you have already done so in your heart. The Holy Spirit requires much more of us than the moral law ever has, that's why following the Spirit of God is so important in doing the Will of God. just know that i am not backsliden, i am not "fallen" from the hand of the Lord, nor do i differ from anyone that may be reading this teaching. but what i AM doing, is allowing those to realize that we ALL have failures, even the Godliest of people have failures. The problem with we humans, is that we want to cover our sin like Adam and Eve, when we need to realize that God saw their nakedness (meaning, He knew that we are prone to sin), but they thought they had to take something and cover it up! the were ALWAYS naked and in need of God, they just weren't aware of it. so in fact, through my trials, the Lord has revealed some of MY nakedness to ME. The best thing that we can do is look at the Word and realize though, that even though Adam & Eve sinned and fell from Life, God took a blameless and sinless animal, he slayed it and made a covering to cover their nakedness of sin, that innocent animal was Christ!

Why do i tell you this, without getting to the Word...i'm getting to the Word, i want you to see what is really going on behind closed doors, to better teach you the Way of the Lord, rather than the ways of men, which always end in failure. i share it, because i love you and want you to know that i am real, i bleed just like you do. :)


I have a bible that ROCKS! it is called the "Expositor's Study Bible," and i suggest it to ANYONE that would like to grow in the Lord. it is a bible that has the scripture in black and in red parenthesis, is commentary on these, with explanations of the meanings of these scriptures, to help us better understand the Word, the Cross and what Christ has done for us. If you can, you need to get one, it will help your study time and your walk with Christ if properly applied, GREATLY!!!

But i went to look it up in my Expositor's and it was confirmed what i thought, but i didn't just except THAT opinion, i also looked it up with some other well known theologians and commentators as well, JUST to be SURE that this was the proper interpretation. what i found was totally AMAZING!!! But...for the essence of time and the sake of the eyes of those reading, we must continue the actual WORD STUDY for the NEXT study i post. :P haha, gotcha hooked now, it's really good, keep reading.